Lost...

I am lost, trying to step up, get ahead of the game, and find myself. Where did I go? I dont know. All I know is that I am frusturated and upset and angry. I have peace but I feel unrest. I dont even make sense to myself.

I found out today that one of my friends is honestly considering something that I never thought that they would. Something that is SO not what I expected but also something I should have seen coming. This friend is changing. Or am I changing? I know that I am growing, but to where that growth is headed I am not always sure... but I am thinking that it is towards God. I am thinking that it is on my own path or one that doesnt get travelled too often. I am thinking that its one that needs some direction but I am not yet at a place where I want to pull over. Do you know what I mean? Do you understand?

I feel lost but I am not sure if I am searching for a way out. I dont know what I would do if I knew where I was headed. I dont know what I do if I saw the destination. Would it make me more assured? Make me have more faith in God? Or would it make me question all the more? Would it make me even less confident in this journey?

Who knows. All I know is that right now I dont want to be found? I want to be free to be lost but assured of a safe destination. Then these new struggles wouldnt be so hard. Then when a friend comes to you with unthinkable ideas you can still have peace. Then when life doesnt make sense and you want to give up you can have hope, have faith.

Oh God I hope that you are journeying with me because I dont want to be lost alone!