Simple

So I am happy. I had a rough couple weeks but I am feeling better! I had some awesome conversations with some friends. Work is going great. I feel like I have me back.

People in my life are still not doing great but I am learning how to deal with them while also taking care of myself. I am being selfish in a good way and loving life! I cant wait to go home to the island and see some fantastic friends of mine (Katie and hopefully Alyssa) and have some fun! I also am excited about going into Vancouver in a couple weeks with Jackie! I had a great chat with Daniel and we are doing well as friends!

I know this sounds like a kindergarten wrote it... but its simple and right now I like simple!

I'm Confused

So right now I am so confused... life is going okay.  Everyone is safe and sound.  Tara was missing for a couple days last week which scared me but I think I am distancing myself from this stuff slowly.  

On Thursday night I broke up with my boyfriend which was terrifying.... I drank in preparation so that I would get my words out.  I hated it... I came up with so many points but all were met with what I deem to be valid reasons (I use reasons instead of excuses because I feel like thats what they are).  Now I don't know if breaking up is the answer or if I should just take some time and see if we can work on these issues.  That is kind of my struggle right now.... what do I do.  I am in such a strange spot and I don't know if it is possible to move out of this space while being in a relationship.  But do I sacrifice what I want right now (this boy) so that I might be able to work on this.  Or do I work on the issues in the relationship that are hindering my development and then work on myself. 

I am confused but I am also growing confidence that I can do what I need to do.  I do have the strength, I do have the confidence and I am able.  I know that I don't need a boy I never have but I want this one.  

I know all of this but I need to grow into being able to believe it again.  

So right now... I am reading the shack (a book I started a month ago and still have not been able to get through), sitting on my best friends bed, covered in vicks vapour rub, and contemplating what to do next.  I have had some awesome encouragement from friends and right now in this moment I am happy.